“Umm…how about no? Does no work for you?”

A little slice of this Diva’s day. Enjoy…

Me: Good Afternoon, (company name).

Self-important jerk: Yes, umm…someone from your company has faxed my cell phone five times in the last two minutes. *said very quickly*

Me: I’m sorry?

Self-important jerk: When I answer there is the sound of a fax machine connecting. I need you to find this person and make them stop.

Me: Well, umm….okay…

Self-important jerk: Because they have ‘faxed’ me five times in the last two minutes! And this is my cell phone! And they have to stop! Perhaps you don’t understand just who I am! I’m (name that means NOTHING to me)! My cell phone simply can not be tied up like this! They have to stop right now. Tell them I said so!

Me: …

*long-ish pause as I consider just how many fax machines there are on property (around a dozen) and which one might be getting used to call him…and which one I would most like to hit him with*

Me: …Well…it might be someone in (generic department). I’ll transfer your call down there.

Self-important jerk: Good, because they need to stop!

The unfortunate truth about the above conversation is that this is not the first of its kind. Several months ago I received a call from a rather irate woman one morning informing me that ‘someone’ from ‘this number’ had been calling her home between the hours of 10:00 pm and midnight for several nights in a row and asking for someone she did not know. Now…as I’m sure I’ve stated before on this blog (*not bothering to actually look in the archives*) there are around 100 phones on the property and every single one of them dials out on the same number. There is no possible way that I could have traced any of those calls.

Me: Good afternoon, (company name).

Precious Princess: Yes, I need to speak with (employee).

Me: One moment. *transferred call to HR because this is policy when you call and ask for an employee who works on a production line*

*Ring Back*

Me: Good afternoon, (company name).

Precious Princess: Yes, I just called asking to speak to (employee) and you transferred me to HR, and that person didn’t answer their phone and I got voice mail.

Me: Yes ma’am.

Precious Princess: Well, I got a voicemail and I need to speak to an actual person. *said in a very ‘I can’t believe I’m having to explain things to you’ tone of voice…which I detest*

Me: I’m sorry. *so very NOT sorry*

Precious Princess: *clearly ticked now…which was hilarious because her voice sounded like she was about eight…ever get one of those on the phone? Too funny!* Well (specific HR rep) didn’t answer their phone, and I need to find out if (specific employee) works there or not.

Me: Then you need to speak to (specific HR rep).

Precious Princess: Perhaps you don’t understand. She didn’t answer and I have to speak to someone right now. *said with an ‘I’m getting so mad’ tone which made the whole ‘she sounds like an eight year old’ even funnier!!!*

Me: Yes ma’am I understand that. But (specific HR rep) is the person you will need to speak to regardless.

Precious Princess: Transfer me to someone in HR who WILL answer their phone.

Me: *transfers her to the same extension as last time because I knew it would piss her off even more*

Now, this is actually fairly common around here, as there are only two people in the HR department and one of them is also the plant safety manager and is never in their office. The frustrating thing about this kind of call is that people seem to think that I have some sort of magical power when it comes to making employees answer their phones. Here’s a news flash Precious Princess, I can not make a grown adult answer their phone. I’m not their mommy nor am I their babysitter. And here’s another shock for you sweetie, most people with a job have more to do than just sit around and wait for the phone to ring. I know, I know…it’s a lot to take in all at once and I’m sure that all those pastel colored castles you build in the air have suddenly developed punctures and are at this very moment plummeting to the earth. But this is real life, and that’s just how things work.

So…how’s your day?