Sad But True

I know I said I was going to refrain from blogging about anything work related but I just can’t let this one go.

There is a very nice older gentleman who holds an important position within the company who is a little on the … well… okay, he can be weird. Not weird in that whole “it’s gonna rub off and infect me” way, weird in that “just not quite on top of things anymore” way. Now, I’ve mentioned him before…but here are some of the more entertaining eccentricities of the man.

He is convinced that any time the copy machine jams (which it is frequently wont to do) the problem can be corrected by simply raising and lowering the lid repeatedly. This has never actually corrected any kind of problem but this is apparently the only course of action he is effectively able to take. He then calls to me for assistance.

He is unable to correctly dial a number into the fax machine. The buttons (which are laid out in a pattern identical to every phone in the office…or on the planet for that matter) confuse him. If he manages to dial correctly he feeds his fax through incorrectly and then comes to me wanting to know why it did not ‘work.’

He calls upon me to be his personal dictionary, thesaurus, and spell checker. This week I was asked to spell ‘commended’ and asked for the definition of ‘confiscate.’ When he didn’t like my answer he asked me what other words he could use…so I recommended grab, seize, snatch, commandeer, and expropriate. However none of those were to his liking either.

He often feels the need to explain things to me several times in a row. Simple things…like how to address an envelope.

He often requests that I send keys through the mail, an easy enough thing to accomplish as it is usually no more than two or three attached to a small ring. He then repeatedly explains to me to do this carefully because several years ago a set of keys were lost when they ripped out of an envelope. He then smiles at me gently as if this were my fault. The event in question took place well before I even held this job.

He questions the mail and faxes that I place in his inter-office mail box.
I get this question at least once a week: “Why was this in my box?”
And it is usually followed by: “But why does this have my name on it?”
And there is the occasional: “But why would this come to me?”

Now, none of these questions are earth shatteringly hard to answer but honestly! If it has your name on it I put it in your mailbox. Not a difficult concept. Why would it have your name on it? Well possibly because you are the only contact name that person had for this company. It could be from an old list of names or they could have purchased the contact information from one of the plethora of companies with which you have a free magazine subscription (which he won’t let me cancel). I don’t know. Why would something come to you? AGAIN…if it has your name on it….!

This morning’s example: Around 8:30 AM a morning delivery guy wanders in with a package for this gentleman. I sign for it and put it in his mail box. About 9:30 AM he arrives and asks for his mail. I hand it to him, watch as the reads the address label (where his name is CLEARLY printed), and wince only slightly when he looks up at me waving the package back and forth and asks me: “Why was this in my box?”

*insert your own mental image of a frustrated receptionist slamming her head against her desk repeatedly*