“Umm…how about no? Does no work for you?”

A little slice of this Diva’s day. Enjoy…

Me: Good Afternoon, (company name).

Self-important jerk: Yes, umm…someone from your company has faxed my cell phone five times in the last two minutes. *said very quickly*

Me: I’m sorry?

Self-important jerk: When I answer there is the sound of a fax machine connecting. I need you to find this person and make them stop.

Me: Well, umm….okay…

Self-important jerk: Because they have ‘faxed’ me five times in the last two minutes! And this is my cell phone! And they have to stop! Perhaps you don’t understand just who I am! I’m (name that means NOTHING to me)! My cell phone simply can not be tied up like this! They have to stop right now. Tell them I said so!

Me: …

*long-ish pause as I consider just how many fax machines there are on property (around a dozen) and which one might be getting used to call him…and which one I would most like to hit him with*

Me: …Well…it might be someone in (generic department). I’ll transfer your call down there.

Self-important jerk: Good, because they need to stop!

The unfortunate truth about the above conversation is that this is not the first of its kind. Several months ago I received a call from a rather irate woman one morning informing me that ‘someone’ from ‘this number’ had been calling her home between the hours of 10:00 pm and midnight for several nights in a row and asking for someone she did not know. Now…as I’m sure I’ve stated before on this blog (*not bothering to actually look in the archives*) there are around 100 phones on the property and every single one of them dials out on the same number. There is no possible way that I could have traced any of those calls.

Me: Good afternoon, (company name).

Precious Princess: Yes, I need to speak with (employee).

Me: One moment. *transferred call to HR because this is policy when you call and ask for an employee who works on a production line*

*Ring Back*

Me: Good afternoon, (company name).

Precious Princess: Yes, I just called asking to speak to (employee) and you transferred me to HR, and that person didn’t answer their phone and I got voice mail.

Me: Yes ma’am.

Precious Princess: Well, I got a voicemail and I need to speak to an actual person. *said in a very ‘I can’t believe I’m having to explain things to you’ tone of voice…which I detest*

Me: I’m sorry. *so very NOT sorry*

Precious Princess: *clearly ticked now…which was hilarious because her voice sounded like she was about eight…ever get one of those on the phone? Too funny!* Well (specific HR rep) didn’t answer their phone, and I need to find out if (specific employee) works there or not.

Me: Then you need to speak to (specific HR rep).

Precious Princess: Perhaps you don’t understand. She didn’t answer and I have to speak to someone right now. *said with an ‘I’m getting so mad’ tone which made the whole ‘she sounds like an eight year old’ even funnier!!!*

Me: Yes ma’am I understand that. But (specific HR rep) is the person you will need to speak to regardless.

Precious Princess: Transfer me to someone in HR who WILL answer their phone.

Me: *transfers her to the same extension as last time because I knew it would piss her off even more*

Now, this is actually fairly common around here, as there are only two people in the HR department and one of them is also the plant safety manager and is never in their office. The frustrating thing about this kind of call is that people seem to think that I have some sort of magical power when it comes to making employees answer their phones. Here’s a news flash Precious Princess, I can not make a grown adult answer their phone. I’m not their mommy nor am I their babysitter. And here’s another shock for you sweetie, most people with a job have more to do than just sit around and wait for the phone to ring. I know, I know…it’s a lot to take in all at once and I’m sure that all those pastel colored castles you build in the air have suddenly developed punctures and are at this very moment plummeting to the earth. But this is real life, and that’s just how things work.

So…how’s your day?

See ya later, Creepy Neighbors!

Woo-hoo!!

A Monday Zombie Post

"So I was standing in the 'lair' talking to the Yeti..."

…and he offered me one of his old holiday snaps to share with his emerging fan club. I told him he could have at least brushed his hair. He explained that it was taken after an all night blow out during Spring Break of his junior year at NYU. I told him that explained a lot about him. He grunted and threatened to fling poo.

Thing One and Thing Two: Gamers at Heart?

Last night I decided to tidy up a bit when I got home from work. A part of this ‘tidy’ included putting away the PS2 which has been sitting in front of the TV untouched for about two weeks. I opened the cabinet, turned around to pick up the PS2, and turned back around to see this.

That would be Thing One. Apparently the blank spot on the shelf was just too much of a temptation and in the few short moments that I wasn’t watching Thing One decided to have a lie down. Lazy bastard.

Yes, I’m talking about you.

And here is Thing Two, not wanting to be left out, seconds after sniffing the controller and pawing at the buttons.

An Experiment in Igloos

For the past several weeks now the company computer nerd has been complaining about the temperature in his ‘lair’ - the server/copier/storage room. Apparently the arrival of summer has so strained the AC units for the building that they were actually freezing up and turning themselves off at random points during the day. Because of this the temperature in his ‘lair’ would climb toward 80 degrees in the afternoon.

The powers that be decided that the best way to solve this problem (explained to them by the CCN as ‘if those servers get too hot they’ll blow up!!!!’) was to install an independent AC unit for the room. It is a foreign made wall mounted unit and …well, hell…I’ll just take a picture of the thing. *Digs out cell phone*

Okay, now this little wall unit has taken the ‘lair’ from about 80 degrees to about 50 degrees. This makes the CCN very happy.

There is just one problem. I’m freezing! I mean seriously freezing! And everyone who has wandered through has made the same comment: some variation of “Gee, it sure is cold up here.” YOU THINK???? What was your first clue there, Sherlock? The icicles hanging off the walls? The fact that receptionist is wearing long sleeves and a coat? The fact that there is a Yeti building a snowman behind the printer?

So today the…umm…*looking for a word that isn’t too rude*…dude who sold us the unit shows up the check on it. I’m sitting behind the desk wearing a long sleeved shirt and a navy blue hoodie…and I’ve got the sleeves pulled over my hands to keep my fingers warm. And I swear this was our actual conversation.

“Is that a jacket ya got on there?”
“Yes.”
“Ya cold?”
“…yes.”